At last, I am a minority

According to this article I can finally relax. I am no longer the reason for all the woes of my fellow Americans who happen to be non-white. As a minority, I can now look forward to being coddled, patronized, pacified, and protected from the evils of discrimination by the majority.

I can be given incentives, grants, forgiveable loans, and can be protected by the ACLU from political incorrectness. I can be promised the moon by Liberals everywhere, and I can demand from them all the goods and services I want lest I threaten to vote for the "evil" republicans. I can be assured that my native language will be available to me in my childrens' schools and that it will be available to me on all manner of labels and packages; street signs and billboards, and that wherever I go, my whiteness must be finally accepted, not villified, as part of the big melting-pot called America.

I have found nirvana.